he calls me his own
he'll never leave me
no matter where I go
He knows my name
he knows my every thought
he sees each tear that falls
and hears me when I call.
Father's Day is never a good day for me. I hate being reminded of how much I didn't have growing up with a Daddy. I see other women walking arm-in-arm with their fathers, sitting with them at church, or having lunch together... and I feel jealous. I hear girls squealing "Daddy!" and realize that I've never called anyone by that name.
I haven't seen my father in 30 years now - literally, not laid eyes on him. I have one picture of him, with my mom before I was born. I sometimes have it sitting out in a frame; sometimes I hide it because it's too painful to look at. I was going to post it here today, but apparently I hid it too well last time, because now I can't find it.
He writes now and then, I try to make sure he always knows how to reach me. Sadly, he doesn't do the same. He'll write for a few months, then disappear for 3, 4, 5 years... I'm used to it.
He has his reasons, which he thinks are good ones and sometimes I agree. But I don't think he can ever really, truly understand what it's like for a girl to never have someone to call "Daddy" - even when that little girl is 40 years old.
But enough of that..
This morning in church, we sang the song above. I cried and cried... not really tears of sadness, though maybe a little. But more tears of happiness, because I DO have a Father. One that is more than any earthly father could ever be. It took many, many years to realize that.
My heavenly father will NEVER leave me.
He will NEVER walk away and not tell me how to reach Him.
He does see every tear I cry, and knows why.
He answers EVERY time I call Him.
I can speak to Him every single day, all day long.
He's never too busy, or too far away, or too wrapped up in his addictions...
He's my Creator, my Counsellor, my Comforter,
my Light, my Life, my Lord,
my Redeemer, my Rock,
my Abba Father.