What Paul said...(or "My Fall From Alacrity")

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15

I hate to procrastinate - or rather I hate what results from my procrastination.  But I keep doing it!  I sit and think "I need to do this, that, and the other..." and yet - I sit and do none of them.  I've gone from someone who used to be the one always a little early - just in case - to someone who's hubby tells her daily that she "really need[s] to work on time management".

Last night I seriously prayed about this and asked God to show me how to be more productive and overcome this issue in me.  Here's what I was led to:

* Set the Blackberry to "phone only" during work hours.  No more checking every text message, email, Facebook reply, or Tweet as they occur.  If it's important (my kids, hubby, mom, etc) - they can call me.

* To Do Lists aren't just for enjoying the pretty, colored Post-Its dotting my desk.  I need to actually start DOING the things on them.  Knocked out at least 1 item this morning so far.  Actually 2, if you count the one that says "Blog!" on one of them.

* Possibly, maybe, perhaps....give up the Blackberry altogether. 

I'm still struggling with this last one - however, it would certainly help my first goal, and be cheaper! Since Lent starts tomorrow (thanks for the reminder, Joan!) I may just use that as my "excuse".  More updates on this matter as they arise...

So, those are my three short-term goals.  Oh, one more - get to work before 10am from now on - which means I gotta go!

Happy "gravitationally challenged" Tuesday, everyone!!

I was hungry...

So, after blogging and talking and researching it for quite awhile - I finally started my fast. Before you read further, realize that I know that there are people who have done this before, and for MUCH longer, but this was my first time and frankly - God blew my socks off!!

I'd never fasted (on purpose) before, and I was certain I'd cave before afternoon break time. However, being the overachiever that I sometimes am - I decided to do 24 days, ending on Thanksgiving Day - how perfect!

But after 5 days, I started feeling led to stop. I questioned whether it was me subconsciously thinking that I wanted to stop, or God telling me to stop... so I kept going for 2 more days.

Sunday at church, I got this overwhelming sense of peace and felt.... "ok, I'm done." And the crazy part of it all is - after 7 days without so much as a nibble of a crumb of food, I didn't even want any. It wasn't like I was starving and thinking I needed an 'excuse' to stop fasting. I haven't felt better in ...well, ever. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually - never better. Just typing this makes me want to do it again! My husband was pleasantly surprised at how NICE I was during this, as well. The night before I started he said "Please don't get all cranky and take it out on me." I don't know where he got that crazy idea! o:) Instead of being cranky, I was happier last week than I can ever remember being. Peaceful, content, at times bouncy and energetic (yeah, people were looking at me kinda funny at those times) - but mostly just so at peace. Amazing.

You know how we always say "I'm starving!" or even just "I'm hungry!"? One thing I did while I was going through this fast was to think about and pray for all of those who don't have the choice of whether or not they will eat each day: in my neighborhood, my county, my state, country, world...there are people who die every day because they have no food. It really puts things into perspective. And I'm amazed now at just how little food we really need to survive - and how truly gluttonous we can be, even just eating a "normal meal". Seriously, a regular dinner for one person at say - Olive Garden - could feed a starving family somewhere to the point of them all being stuffed. And yet, we just take it for granted and say "More breadsticks, please!"

Sorry, now I'm babbling ...it's hard to put all of this into words that make any sense. :)

This is definitely something that I will do regularly. I never would have imagined I would/could go without eating for a WEEK, but I did and I'm now walking closer to God than I ever have before. I was hungry - but not for food. I craved worship, I prayed constantly, I didn't want to even watch tv or listen to anything but praise music on the radio... it was incredible and all seemingly out of my control.

It is hard for me to put into words what this has meant to me. Bill Bright of Campus Crusade expresses exactly what I've felt, though:

As I began my fast, I was not sure I could continue for forty days. But my confidence was in the Lord to help me. Each day His presence encouraged me to continue. The longer I fasted, the more I sensed the presence of the Lord. The Holy Spirit refreshed my soul and spirit, and I experienced the joy of the Lord as seldom before. Biblical truths leaped at me from the pages of God's Word. My faith soared as I humbled myself and cried out to
God and rejoiced in His presence.

I am posting this so that anyone else who is afraid or wondering about fasting will know that "with God, ALL things are possible". Don't be afraid. You can do it.

If you're feeling led to fast - do it! You will never regret it.

Here are some great links on fasting and prayer:
7 Basic Steps to Successful Fasting & Prayer
Fasting for Dummies
There are tons more... just Google "prayer and fasting"

And this is a great book - not just about fasting, but it's what got me thinking about it: Starving Jesus: Off the Pew, Into the World

Morning musings...

This morning, I wasn't feeling very well when I woke up. I decided to stay home from church, which I hate to miss. :( But since the stomach bug is going around and IF that's what's coming on me, I certainly don't want to 'share' it with my friends!

I took my coffee out to the deck for my morning Quiet Time. I opened my Bible and it landed on Isaiah 41. As is often the case, I've read these verses many times before, but today I read them in a new way... Beth Moore has a book called Praying God's Word - and it's really amazing what a comfort you feel when you apply the Bible to you. I read over and over these verses this morning, then it hit me right in my heart....and I couldn't help but sit there smiling ear-to-ear:

⁹ I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you. --- He took me from my own pit! He saved me?! Me??
I said, 'You are my servant'; -- He thinks I am worthy of serving Him?? Me??
I have chosen you and have not rejected you. - after all the sins and weakness I have, the truly horrible things I've done? He doesn't reject me!? Ever??

¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. -- This speaks for itself...these promises are worth more than anything that this world can give!

¹¹ "All who rage against you
will surely be ashamed and disgraced; -- I need not worry about those who hate me, God is in control. My time is better used focusing on HIM.
those who oppose you
will be as nothing and perish. - they are "nothing" to me, they no longer matter!

¹² Though you search for your enemies,
you will not find them. -- because of the change in me, I can no longer find the many 'enemies' of my past...my heart has changed toward others --- simply put: no more drama!!
Those who wage war against you
will be as nothing at all. -- How can I let others bring me down when I have the love of GOD?? How can I let those who hate me affect my daily life, when Jesus is my best friend??

I don't know what our sermon was about today at church...but I'm really glad that God saw fit to give me my own lesson this morning on the deck, out with the birds and the cool spring breeze. I still feel queasy physically, but my emotional state is so uplifted!

Ok, I'm getting it...

Since I started browsing blogs more the past couple of weeks, I've noticed a recurring theme in nearly every one that I've read: time management and prioritizing life.

More specifically, setting aside quiet time with God every day - something I manage to do sporatically, then "life" gets in the way and I get "too busy" and .... enough excuses. I recently read ReFuel, by Doug Fields - a great little book about how to connect with God in little snippets throughout the day. Now that, I do just fine. I pray, it seems, all the time. I'll talk with - I should say to - God at stoplights, on my way to work, at work (oh yes, LOTS of praying there!), sitting and waiting at the ballpark for my daughter to finish practice... But setting aside Quiet Time every day, just for the purpose of connecting with God? I don't do so well.

It's hard for me to be still. Always has been. I have to be moving, doing something, fidgeting, cleaning, driving, walking, reading, watching tv, ...something. There are probably some deep-seated emotional reasons for this - that's a whole 'nuther blog entry for another time. But it's hard for me to just BE.

Which makes it kind of funny that one of my favorite Bible verses is
Psalm 46:10 - "Be still, and know that I am God."
I even have a little window cling on my front door with that verse on it - so I will see it every single time I enter my home. My goal was to let it serve as a reminder for my family that when we enter our home - to calm down, stop running, BE STILL and give all the stresses that follow us home over to God.

The good news is that it seems to work quite well for my hubby & daughter! My husband is one of those guys that doesn't seem to have a care in the world most of the time. He comes home from work, kicks off his boots, plops down in the recliner and watches a ball game - or goes out to the shop to practice his banjo or tinker with his car/s or water the garden. My daughter is the same way - she'll come in from school or ball practice, take a leisurely shower, watch a little tv maybe, or journal, or talk to her friends on the phone, read a little ...then it's bedtime. (Note: they do help out whenever I ask...of course, do we ever ask for help often enough? I know I don't.)

Neither of them come home and think "Ok, I need to do this, this, and that by 7pm. Then I need to make sure this, that, and the other thing is all taken care of before 9... then MAYBE I can get to bed by midnight - oh wait, I forgot that I need to do this other thing!"
I'll give you a moment to try and guess who's internal monologue that is... :)

This is something that I have struggled with for years. But I think I'm getting it...finally. I can slow down. I can stop having self-imposed deadlines for every little item on my To-Do List. I can take time to do something that renews me - spiritually, emotionally, physically. I've started working in my garden, and creating some Trash-to-Treasures like my friend, Michelle. I'm reading more for pleasure. I'm allowing myself to relax more often. I'm preparing dinners ahead of time to avoid the crazy-dinner-rush after work. I'm taking pleasure in doing things for my family, not feeling as if I have to do everything myself.

Far more important than anything else - I am giving God my quiet time every day.
Not because He demands it - my salvation does not, and never will, depend on it.

I am giving it to Him, selfishly, because I need that time with Him. I need to "Be still..." and allow myself to hear Him. I am giving it to Him as a part of my worship. I can sing songs along with K-Love, I can listen to sermons on the radio, I can read books about being closer to God, I can even "pray without ceasing"...I consider all of those things worship. But if I never stop, be still, and LISTEN to Him ...what good is all of that?

I am giving it to Him because NOTHING is more important. Nothing. What could be more important than spending time with my Creator?? I have learned over the years, that no amount of "doing" can make it all be "done". I've spent too many minutes, hours, days, and years that are forever gone to doing so many things that don't matter one bit today. And when this life is over for me, no one will care how clean my house was or wasn't, if my kids outfits were color-coordinated every day, how big my garden or bank account was, how many clothes I had in my closet or whether my laundry room was constantly in a state of madness. No one will care how much I saved every month on groceries by using coupons religiously, or if my carpet had stains or my baseboards were dusty. No one will care if I finished reading the Twilight series in a week, or if my dogs were walked exactly at 8:30am every morning (they aren't, btw, another thing on my list...). All that will matter is that I am with my God, for all eternity.

If you're spending eternity with someone, you should probably get to know Him before you arrive, don't you think? :)

As Jason Jackson says, "...we need to drop our hands, go limp, relax, and “chill out.” Christian people ought to “come, behold the works of Jehovah,” (v. 8) that we may enjoy a calm confidence in him who gave us his Son."


Just....Be still.