I've been thinking a lot lately about grandparents. Specifically, my grandparents as compared to the grandparents that I encounter these days. My Nana is now 101 and still kickin', though as much as I hate to admit - I know that can't go on forever. She's in a wheelchair now and her mind "comes & goes", but she still plays bingo a few times a week. :) Incredible!
We lost our beloved "Popoo" on New Years Eve 1989, but at least once a day something makes me think of him. They taught me and my siblings so very much - lessons that have helped all seven of us become responsible, law-abiding, respectable citizens - and isn't that ultimately all we ever want for our kids and grand-kids?
I think I'll do a little series on all the little things they taught me, as much for me as for the readers here, because with my first grandson on the way I'm thinking more and more "I want to be THAT kind of grandparent."
This morning, I read the news that Andrew Koenig's body was found in a park in Vancouver. I also read that Brittany Murphy died from a lethal combination of cold medications, which she was taking properly but her body just couldn't handle. Just two more Hollywood deaths, right? Last weekend, my husband and I watched Michael Jackson's movie "This is It", which is a documentary covering his preparations for his final tour which, as we all know, was not meant to be. I cried.
This guttural reaction to these stories surprised me. I mean, I cried about Haiti and I don't know those people either. But that's different, right? These three were Hollywood stars - people who had everything, people who the media have, and will surely continue to, crucify: for being selfish, careless, and downright "crazy" in MJ's case. in the case of Brittany Murphy, they have already accused of being everything from a drug addict to a brainwashed bride. In MJ's case, for being "weird", eccentric, owning a pet monkey, buying all the rights to all the Beatles songs, having an amusement park in his yard...we know all the "crazy" stories. And in case you haven't heard, his "child molestation" accusers have all admitted that they lied for their parents to get his money - one under force by his very abusive father.
I cried because all of their deaths were preventable, Because these were young people that I "grew up with", because they are my age and people my age aren't supposed to die in parks all alone or from trying to get over a cold at home or trying to get a decent night's sleep.
I cried because it could have been me.
Mostly I cried for their families. How do you handle something so tragic as the death of someone in the very prime of life? How do Michael Jackson's children grow up and thrive and become normal adults when they are - MICHAEL JACKSON's kids? How will they deal with the horrible stories when they start reading them when no one is around to monitor them as they get older? How do Andrew Koenig's parents and friends deal with the grief and guilt that they might have been able to save him from the inner demons of depression? How do Brittany Murphy's family and friends handle the fact that they lost their beloved because she took medications as her doctors instructed?
I pray that they were all Christians. I pray that they are all now with Jesus - singing and dancing and acting out wonderful plays for audience of Our Father. I pray that their deaths won't be brushed under the rug or quickly forgotten, because there is so much to learn from each one.
* Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:1-2
So what if Michael Jackson bought a pet monkey and had an amusement park in his back yard? Let's all admit it, if we had the kind of money that he did - after we gave to the poor and fed the hungry and sheltered the homeless - we'd probably buy some things that others think are "crazy", too. He was robbed of his childhood, he tried to recreate it and be as happy as possible in his own Neverland as an adult. Why? Because he COULD. He also gave millions to his friends and family and charities around the globe. He was also a devoted father who was raising 3 amazing kids, from all accounts, and allowing them something he never had - a beautiful childhood. He also ended nearly every sentence with “God Bless You” to whomever he was talking with, or “it’s all in L O V E - love” We never heard that in the press, huh?
* He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. - Psalm 147:3
Andrew Koenig died from depression. He gave away his belongings, sent a note to his parents, and went into his favorite park, where he felt "at home", and took his own life. Depression is very real. It kills people every day. It is a lonely, horrible disease - I know, I have battled it for 20+ years. I heard John Mayer's song "Heartbreak Warfare" this morning and thought of the tragic discovery yesterday afternoon in Vancouver: "If you want more love, why don't you say so?"....when you're depressed, you can't say "I need more love!" even though that's what you're screaming inside. You feel unworthy of love. I've been where he was, mentally. It's scary and horrible and the only things that got me through those suicidal times was my children and my faith in Jesus Christ - for He does heal the broken-hearted and binds up our wounds. Sometimes depressed people don't know Him, sometimes they do but they are too far gone to turn to Him for healing, sometimes they just need someone to shake them and say "LOOK UP! Look to Jesus!" not "Shake it off, get over it, take a walk - you'll feel better."
In Brittany Murphy's case - we need to learn to be SO careful with medications. This is the saddest example of how even mixing drugs that are considered safe on their own can be deadly. We need to be aware ourselves and teach our children to know their pharmacists as they grow up, to pick up the phone when they are sick and call them - to see if combining an inhaler with a painkiller and an antibiotic - all prescribed by a doctor - is safe.
But most of all, we need to learn to accept people.We need to love them, no matter who they are or what they do for a living – everyone is valuable in the eyes of God, everyone is created and loved by Him, and everyone deserves to know Him and SEE him in us. I have been guilty of joining in the Mob Mentality regarding celebrity stories, and sharing in the gossip and debates about their lives. But these three stories have touched me somehow. They have made me realize that they deserve to be loved as Christ loves us – because no matter what – He loves them too. So while I’m praying for my friends and family, and my leaders and children and the prayer requests from church – I will add the famous in our society to that list.I’ll pray that they ALL come to know Christ, because nothing else in their lives – or ours – is seeing that all people know Jesus.
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you,
This Friday and Saturday - February 12/13 - you might see more young peoplethan usual with writing on their arms. (Moms of teens, you know what I'm talkin' about!) But this week it's different - because this week there's an actual reason for it - and it'spretty awesome.
-121 million people worldwide suffer from depression. (The World Health Organization)
-18 million of these cases are happening in the United States. (The National Institute of Mental Health)
-Between 20% and 50% of children and teens struggling with depression have a family history of this struggle and the offspring of depressed parents are more than three times as likely to suffer from depression. (U.S. Surgeon General's Survey, 1999)
-Depression often co-occurs with anxiety disorders and substance abuse, with 30 percent of teens with depression also developing a substance abuse problem. (NIMH)
-2/3 of those suffering from depression never seek treatment.
Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide.(NIMH)
To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.
To Write Love On Her Arms Day is a day where we can all write the word LOVE on our arms - to show support for those who are fighting against depression and those who are trying to recover.
On this day, just write loveon your arms - make it funky, crazy, cool, plain, plaid...(hey, some of you are creative!) - just show it off!
Other people will ask why, and you have the opportunity to tell them you are supporting those with struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.
You speak up, for those who sometimes can't find their voice.
Please note when you read this, "self-love" doesn't mean being conceited or selfish! It means making ourselves the best we can be as women! My personal belief is that this begins with a solid relationship with Jesus Christ, but I also think he gives us tools on this earth to help us along the path. Some of these tools are in Christine's book and the Madly in Love with ME day celebrations! ~Melinda
Guest post by Christine Arylo:
Feed the kids. Get a raise. Lose the weight. Clean the house. Wear the lingerie!
Whew! It is tiring being a woman these days. We have more opportunities, self-confidence and independence than any generation of women before, yet something isn’t working. Why is it so exhausting? How is it that the last 30 years of unparalleled equality has also had the unintended impact of liberating women into a new jail cell?
The answer is pretty straightforward according to Christine Arylo, recovering achievement junkie and doing addict turned inspirational catalyst, author, coach and speaker…we are currently experiencing a “crisis of self-love.”
“Women today face challenges and pressures like no other generation,” she says. “The 21st century woman has more opportunities, self-confidence and independence than any generation of women before, yet something isn’t working. While this woman knows she can do anything, she feels a tremendous pressure to do, be and have everything.”
A recent study by Time Magazine states that 40% of women are the major breadwinners in their families, and 55% report that they still take care of most of the responsibilities at home. Add to that fact that 68% of women see a conflict between working and raising a family, and you can understand why so many women are exhausted, overwhelmed and no happier than their mothers and grandmothers were in the 1970s.
"Get clear about the areas that you do love about yourself and the areas that you don’t. Put energy into both and make it a practice.”
Wouldn't you love to do this? I know I would!
Arylo encourages women to start with a 40-day self-love practice in any area of her life needing more self-love – having better relationships, taking care of yourself first, treating your body like a temple, expressing yourself fully. “The yogis, metaphysicians and brain scientists agree,” explains Arylo, “that if you can do anything for 40 days you can alter patterns and beliefs that have the power to change your life.”
Arylo gives an example of a 40-day self–love practice focused on relationships.
“Ask yourself, ‘Does every relationship in my life honor and respect me?’
If the answer is no, you owe it to yourself to straighten out those relationships, or let go of the ones you can’t improve. There is no reason to have a relationship in your life that doesn’t support you to be the best you or create the life you want to live. The only reason to have a relationship is because it helps you be a better person, or it helps you live your dreams.”
“Be honest with yourself. So many of us say our lives are ‘fine’ but when you truly look at our relationships – friendships, romantic relationships, relatives – that really isn’t the case. We often refuse to face the truth because we are afraid of what the truth will require us to do. For example, we aren’t really afraid to end a relationship, we are more afraid of what people will think. We are deathly afraid of being alone. And many people can’t handle feeling like a failure. But, self-love requires self honesty,” she says. “It’s not an option.”
“When it comes to self-love and relationships, I believe that every woman, no matter how successful or beautiful she is, desires to be deeply loved. And that love has to start with herself,” she says. “Learning how to both give and receive love, to both have strong boundaries and be vulnerable enough to freely love, is a practice, one that all women can benefit from. And one that you may need some help with.”
“One of the reasons I wrote Choosing ME before WE and started the Madly in Love with ME movement, is to give women a place to connect with other women and learn from each other. We all face the same struggles and challenges, the details just look different. But when we reach out for inspiration, support and wisdom we have the power to change our lives. It is said that it will be women that change this world. But if we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t change anything.”
“Begin by asking yourself what you really want in life,” she says.
“Then start taking the action steps to fall more and more madly in love…with you.”
About Madly in Love with ME™
Madly in Love with ME launches every year on the day before Valentine’s Day. On February 13th Arylo asks every woman and girl to make a promise of self-love to herself for the year, and to recommit to a life-long self-love promise to know and honor what her heart and soul desire, never settling for less. Arylo encourages every woman and girl to participate in this day.
“Without self-love, we end up in relationships and lives that don’t support or respect us, that take more than they give and that reflect our own lack of deep unconditional love for the woman we are right now, today.” she says.
To inspire and support women to take this challenge, in 2010, Madly in Love with ME events will take place on February 13th in 4 major cities – San Francisco, Chicago, Orlando and San Diego www.madlyinlovewithme.com/events These ‘Self-Luvapalooza’s’ make self-love a tangible reality for women through experiences, talks, performances, and interactive exercises led by amazing women who have struggled with and overcome the same challenges. Women who attend the flagship San Francisco event at the Claremont Resort and Spa, will spend the day with some of the top transformational teachers and performers of our time!
If the Madly in Love with Me event is not hosted in your town, Arylo encourages every woman to throw your own self-love soiree’. She’s developed an entire kit full of daring yet practical ways to bring more self-love into your life. Download the kit for free at www.madlyinlovewithme.com.
About Christine Arylo
Christine Arylo is an inspirational catalyst, m.b.a, coach, teacher and speaker. Author of Choosing ME before WE, Arylo’s opinions and techniques have appeared on E! Entertainment, WGN, FOX, CBS and ABC TV as well as in radio stations, spas and business schools across the country.
Contact Christine: Get the book! www.mebeforewe.com Get the Kit! www.madlyinlovewithme.com Read her blog!www.daretoliveyou.com/blog/ Tweet her! www.twitter.com/christinearylo
I'd like to issue a Bloggy Challenge today! Instead of giving gifts this year that will, most likely, end up in next summer's yard sale - why not give a gift that will make a HUGE difference in the life of a stranger? It's so easy, and you - and the recipient - will feel so great for doing it! Just visit Samaritan’s Purse Christmas gift catalog and pick one or two or ten to give.
Here are some of my favorites…
Feed a hungry baby for a week $9
Give an orphan a month of loving care $35
Rescue a child from bondage and abuse $75
Provide care for AIDS orphans and widows $45
Supply a community with clean water $18 (for a family)
Bibles and Christian literature $15
Or choose "Where Most Needed" and make a donation of any amount. It was so hard for me to decide that this is the option I chose.
I wonder how many donations we could get if we all teamed up and wrote one post on our blogs with our favorite gifts of love and a link to Samaritan’s Purse?
Oh, and if you purchase a gift by Sunday at 9pm EST, you have 10 extra entries into this Sondra Roberts purse giveaway at Like A Warm Cup of Coffee! (retail value $107)
Please leave a comment and let us all know what your family chose to give!
I was flipping through channels Saturday night, and stopped on what looked like a new reality show. This one is different from the usual, though. It's a Christian reality show called Thunder Road! It follows Ben Cerullo and his crew on their missions around the world.
It was *awesome*!
I got online to check out his website, and found his wonderful new book FREE: "Proof of Love" (e-book). This is great for new Christians and old, and can be a great ministry tool for your friends and family! Check it out! :) There are TONS of other resources at the site to help you grow in your walk with Jesus.
This team are not a bunch of bench warmers - they are going OUT to reach people, and don't care how far they have to travel or how desperate the location. It's an awesome thing to see, and so inspirational to see all of the lives changed and people who may never have heard the Word receiving it through this small group of men & women from various backgrounds.
You can watch Thunder Road at http://www.bencerullo.com/ or check your local Christian television station listings.
On 10/10/10 my Nana was born. We celebrated her 99th birthday this month, and my niece got this amazing shot of Nana with her brand new great-great-granddaughter, 4 month old Lacie.
Two beautiful ladies that I am so blessed to have in my life! They definitely pick-me-up. :)
My heart just swells every time I look at this photo. Just look at Lacie's eyes as she looks into Nana's... the connection surpassing 99 years... God is Good.
Need more pick-me-up for your Wednesday? Head over to MamaBzz!
This is NOT a homeschool vs public school debate. Please don't start slinging mud at other parents for their own personal choices. Those comments WILL be deleted.
My children are in public school. There was never really any option since both parents have always worked (except when they were not yet school-age). I home schooled my oldest for a year, due to some violence issues he faced at his new school his freshman year. But other than that, they have been in public schools from K-12 (my daughter currently being a Junior, the boys graduated). They are believers, they are firm in their faith and convictions. My boys support our current President, my daughter leans more toward the right – perfectly fine with me. They research and read and watch (both at home and our actions/words and outside) and make up their own minds - as they should as young adults. I am not the least bit afraid of them being "led astray" by a speech from the President of the United States - whoever may be in office at the time.
How is a public school address considered “indoctrination” (as was said on the other blog - a comment, not the article), any more than homeschooling a child is? Home school parents are teaching specific things which go against other specific things. My children have learned from both sides – in our Christian family and in the public, including their public schools.
My children are/were lights in their school – my daughter is the first to invite the new kid to sit at lunch with her, or carry the handicapped child’s books to class. She also “took on” a young girl in her class who was going on about premarital sex and called my daughter a “goody two shoes Christian” because she is waiting until marriage (which she is not ashamed to let people know). She didn't "take her on" by name-calling, not by putting the other girl down who proudly and publicly discusses her sexual practices. My daughter told her very simply and compassionately what the Bible says about saving herself for marriage, and that she is a Christian who believes in this and has vowed to be abstinent. This all took place in front of the entire class, by the way. My "public school kid" has NO shame in discussing her faith. Not many Juniors in high school will step out this way. Who knows, she may have just hit a nerve with that girl. Maybe that was why she was in that class. Perhaps God put my daughter there - at that table, in that particular class - to reach that one young girl before she did something else she'd regret. All I know is I am one PROUD public-school mama. :)
Jesus did not live in a bubble. Nor did God create us to live in one.
Hear me: I am NOT saying that home schooled children are completely sheltered from the world. I am very well aware, and applaud, all of the programs available for home schooled children to participate in extracurricular activities and the parents who go to the extra effort to not only teach but create and lead outside activities.
What I am saying is that many of our Christian public school kids are ministers where God has planted them. And for those who say we should home school “if we don’t want our kids learning things we don’t agree with”, perhaps you should try to see that there are godly children who do attend public schools and try to serve as ministers there every day – along with Christian teachers, principals, counselors, lunch ladies, and others. Those students bring their un-churched friends at school to church on Sunday mornings, they share their faith to kids who may not have otherwise heard of how much Jesus loves them. Try to see, instead of passing judgment or looking down on "public school kids", what a BLESSING it is to the whole community when there are Christian children in the public schools! Jesus didn't sit and wait for those who needed Him to come to Him. He went out and met them where they were (at the well, in the town square, at the tax collectors stands, in the Temple, and on and on...)I dare say if He were walking the earth today - He'd want to be in our public schools so he could reach those kids who need Him most!
We have to trust that our children are capable of living what they have been taught, and trust the LORD that he will protect them in the world.
As Jesus said to Mary: "but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
This week, my husband & I celebrated our 4th Anniversary!
We blended our family on September 2, 2005 after being together for 4.5 years ~
bringing together our 5 kids (2 his, 3 mine - all "ours") and our extended families.
To be honest, we'd both admit that it hasn't been easy. We've been through medical problems, job issues, kid issues, dog issues (try raising a partially handicapped and often-incontinent dachshund together if you really want to test your love!), in-law issues, ex-law issues! You name it, and we've probably faced it in the past 8 years that we've been a couple.
We've also been through the break up of our previous church home - which was pretty devastating to both of us. It was then that I took my first real leap of faith in being asubmissive wife and we joined a new church. I was hesitant, and it took me about six months before I would really get involved at this new church at all. I was still too raw after losing my "old church" and all of the things that had transpired in the end there. Then one day, it just "clicked" - we were Home Again. The past 3+ years with our new church family have been incredible. I think we have both grown more spiritually than we ever have before. I can't thank my husband enough for being wise enough to say "This is where we are staying." even when I wasn't sold on the idea.
He will laugh when he reads this, I'm sure, because I've never been anything remotely resembling a "submissive wife". I was one of those women that had to be independent and have things MY WAY (yes, honey, I see you nodding!). All of my adult life I've been a....oh,what's the term...CONTROL FREAK.
But after reading the words of some very wise women (this is just one), though, and seeking God's guidance in this area of my life - I have realized that I am exhausted.
I'm tired of always being in control!
I want to hand over the reigns to my husband and let him lead our household. I realize that I have taken so much from him in not allowing that up to this point. And for that, I am sorry. The Biblical role for my husband is to be the head of our family - that isn't my role as a wife. The only one I should strive to please more than my husband is God. Instead of fighting to get my way, I need to step back and seek Jesus, and pray that my husband is doing the same, and encourage him to do so. That is my Biblical role as a wife, and I plan to embrace it.
Now, this doesn't mean that I will roll over and accept everything that he says without having any opinions myself - not at all. It certainly doesn't mean that I would tolerate any abuse in any way, shape, or form. It means that I willrespect him and his ideas, trust him to make the right decisions for our family, encourage him in his spiritual growth and in any areas that he struggles, andlovehim as Christ loves me - unconditionally.
My Ladies group just started a new Bible study this week called "Loving Well", by Beth Moore. I love, love, love Beth - but I have to tell you....she makes me think about things I'd really rather not think about. Things I've pushed down for years, hidden away from the world and, to some extent, myself. Things that hurt to consider. But that's the point - to make us face our worst, so we can learn to live our best for Christ.
One thing that she talked about this week was the lack of real, meaningful relationships that we - especially ladies - have today. We're more plugged in than ever - IMs, cell phones, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter , blogging - but we're also more lonely than ever. We connect with thousands of people on the Internet, but never have real, deep relationships anymore. I know can I relate to that... Can you?
How often have you visited a real-life friend's MySpace or Facebook page and left a nifty little box or banner like the one above? "Stoppin' by to show some love!" - why don't we physically stop by to SEE them, in their home, and show some REAL love? Why don't we invite them to our home, or out for coffee or dinner - and show some REAL love?
I remember growing up and going with my grandparents to visit their friends, or having their friends come over and visit them. They didn't call first, they didn't have to. They didn't email back and forth to coordinate a "good time" for both parties - they didn't have the "luxury" of that technology. They just showed up on the doorstep, sat over a glass of tea or cup of coffee, and spent time together. Genuine, happy, good time. Why don't we do that anymore? Yes, we're busy - we're all busy. But how much busier must our grandparents have been - working all day without technology to help them, coming home to do chores, many working farms and other hard labor jobs --- yet they still found time to spend with family and friends. I think they knew something that we have all forgotten: real relationships - those are what really matters.
When I'm working in my garden, or pass a funny sign on the road, or one of the kids says or does something crazy - my first thought is not "I need to call _____ and tell them!" More often, it's "Oh wow, I need to blog, Tweet, Facebook" about that! Now, I can justify this by pointing out that it's easier to just post it out there for everyone, rather than calling up each person I want to share the news with and taking the time to tell each one individually. It's efficient, you see. I'm saving time - mine and theirs!
Speaking only for myself - the truth is that it's fear. Fear that I'll be interrupting my friend's life by taking up their time. Fear that people don't want to be bothered with my petty news. If I post it, or email it, or use some other form of technology to communicate - they can't reject me to my face. They can delete my email and I'll never know. They can read my FB or Tweet and move on about their day without a 2nd thought to my words. But I won't know that. I won't have the opportunity to be hurt by any form of implied rejection. I could go into all the reasons for this fear, but that's another post for another time.
I just wondered if I'm the only one of the millions of blogging women out there who feel this way? Do you use technology as a crutch to avoid real, meaningful relationships with other women? With your church family? With your family? Even with your kids or spouse?
My brother, James, and his son Titus. James is currently serving in Iraq on his 5th tour in 6 years. If you think about it, say a prayer for him now & then. <3>
