Spinning out of control

Does anyone else ever just feel like their world is spinning out of control? That's how I'm feeling right about now - just too, too much going on in my life lately.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. Reinhold Niebuhr

Huh. I never read the 2nd part of the Serenity Prayer until I just Googled it to make sure I had the wording right in the first part. I used to think this prayer was just something for AA meetings, which frankly turned me off to it right from the git-go since I have a long family history of alcohol abuse in my family. But in the past year or so, I've embraced it as sort of a motto for myself. Accepting the things I can not change - is really hard for someone who has a really, really hard time NOT being in control of things.

Then there are times like this week - and yes, it's only Tuesday, not a good sign. Times when I feel like I have no control over ANYTHING, and I feel spazzed out and like I'm just turning in circles and waiting for the next phone call, or letter, or email to tell me something ELSE has happened that - yes - I can't control! It's not worry, I don't really worry so much anymore. It's just a feeling of helplessness - of too much work at the end of the year, too much craziness with the holidays that have become just....too much, children growing up and out and making mistakes, and parents being sick and dying and family that I don't even know being the only lifeline I have between the past and the near future and ... it makes no sense, I know. That's why I'm feeling so frazzled. I like things to make sense!!!

But now I sit here, thinking I just figured I'd write a blog entry since I haven't in a few days. I started typing the first thing that came to mind. I went to trusty Google to look up a verse, and I realize that has God used this time - right now, tonight, as I sit here feeling like my life is spinning out of control. He allowed me to come upon that particular version on Google, the version with the second part instead of the other "516,000 results for serenity prayer" that only have the first verse.

I can feel him saying "Take a deep breath. It's ok. You don't have to spin with it all...just come sit awhile with me and let me do what I'm doing in your life - with you, for you, and because of you. I have a plan."

Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will.